Who is Considered as an Introvert or a Highly Sensitive Person?

In today's book review, I will be sharing my views and what I have learnt from the book On Being An Introvert Or Highly Sensitive Person by Ilse Sand.

This is a short but wonderful book on introverts and highly sensitive people. In the book, it addresses many issues that introverts faced. Rather than issues, I would say values, behaviour and personality that introverts have. Ilse managed to touch on them very well and the solution that she has provided sounds workable. It is definitely something that I can take note of. Below are the notes or key points that I have taken from the book itself.

Chapter 1: Personality Type

1. Highly sensitive people think a lot about life and themselves. They need some time to themselves and they need to search their inner feelings or intuition when they make decisions. They prefer to be well-prepared for the things that they do and they care little about conflict. Furthermore, they are often ‘five-sense’ sensitive. They are also creative, conscientious and empathic.

2. ‘High-reactive” refers to a powerful internal reaction that is reflected in uneasy behaviour in infants. They are typically quiet, reticent, reflective and they cry easily as well.

Chapter 2: Screen Yourself from Too Many Impressions

The ways to protect yourself from too many impressions (dealing with too many things at the same time) are:

1. Create a breathing space to process your thoughts. i.e. Meditation or relax on a comfy couch. Insight time app.

2. Cut down on news intake as you consume energy when you are trying to think of the problems that people around the world are facing.

3. Avoid phone calls. I.e. Set to silent mode and return call later.

4. Less social contact

What is the SPEAK OR BE SILENT Guide to Good Manners?

1. You may not interrupt a silence unless it is important. Even if it is important, you cannot speak until the listener gives you the green light.

2. If you have spoken without interruption for more than a minute, take a break. Take a deep breath and think whether the things that you are talking about is relevant to the listener. If not, give others a chance to speak.

3. You may not interrupt others who are lost in their own thoughts.

4. If someone asks to speak to you, take some time to decide whether you want to listen to the person and whether the time is right. If not, you can reject. Do not need to apologise or explain.

What to do if you cannot prevent unpleasant over-stimulation (too many activities)?

1. Routine tasks, knitting, baking, running, yoga/pilates, moving around the room to music (Let your body flows), sharing your experience to a good listener, writing in a diary or do something creative.

Chapter 3: Limit Your Catastrophic Thinking

1. Do not let negative/bad thoughts affect you. Create a pleasant image of the future. I.e. having fun in life and doing things that you enjoy doing.

Chapter 4: Find Joy and Meaning

1. There are 2 forms of joy namely enjoyment and satisfaction.

2. Below are some ways to find joy in life:

a. Choosing the right job.

i. Important to have meaning to you

ii. Possibility of a career that provides care for others, routine jobs or even outdoor jobs

iii. Prefers to be self-employed

b. Go to a party well-prepared.

i. Take a break or leave early

ii. Learn to engage in small talk

iii. Prepare the things to talk about

3. Learn to enjoy the company of both extroverts and introverts.

Chapter 5: Deal with Conflicts and Boundaries in Your Own Way

1. Backing out of power struggle is not weak but rather, it is wise and a sign of strength. There is so much else in life that provides much greater meanings to invest your thoughts and feeling in.

2. Sometimes, if there is severe injustice, confrontation might be a better option than backing out. In that case, you can choose to confront in text or writing first followed by a meet up to conclude things up. Not talking face to face can leads to misunderstanding because of the lack of emotion through words.

3. It is okay to worry about a conflict however, if the worries are out of proportion, i.e. losing your sleeping because of it, talking to someone or a professional might help.

4. It is okay to calculate consequences in advance

5. You are allowed to feel without being able to explain. Without explanations, things can go better most of the time.

6. Give yourself time to respond.

7. Go back to it again if you botch something.

Chapter 6: Make Your Choices from Your Inner Conviction

1. It is best to be yourself rather than pretending to be someone else.

2. Do not be directed by bad conscience.

3. Let your own values guide you and how you live.

4. Instead of always expressing agreement, show your difference. If you are uncomfortable about it, start small.

5. Express your wishes with dignity. Be aware of what you want to achieve.

Chapter 7: Find a Refuge in Regarding Yourself as an Introvert or Highly Sensitive Person

1. Many highly sensitive people and introverts tends to have negative thoughts about themselves because they would prefer to find out what their flaws are before others do. If you are having constant negative thoughts or if you are tired and sad for an extended period of time, you may have depression.

2. If you feel socially restricted by anxiety about others’ negative thoughts about you or about being an embarrassment so that you lie awake half the night and chastise yourself for relatively small flaws or offences, you may have a degree of social anxiety.

3. Both depression and social anxiety can be treated with psychotherapy.

4. If you are extremely afraid, for instance of the anger of others, you could have PTSD.

5. If need help, talk to people that you can confine to.

Chapter 8: Use Precise, Neutral Language about Yourself

Below are some languages used about highly sensitive and introverted people:

1. Being sociable means wanting company. Being social means thinking of the community and the welfare of others as well as your own. You can be social without being sociable.

2. Highly sensitive and introverted people are self-examining themselves. They are not self-absorbed.

3. They have a lower threshold of pain. They are not whining. They are merely more sensitive towards things.

4. They are extra sensitive and not over-sensitive. Everyone has different degree of sensitivity.

5. They move very slowly or do very little because they are recharging or in energy-saving mode. They are not lazy. It is just who they are.

6. They simply function differently from the majority.

7. They dislike getting into conflict not because they do not have the ability to express anger but rather, they prefer dialogues and negotiation, and sometimes, choose to be flexible because they prefer to use their energy on somewhere else.

8. They are both strong and delicate. Being delicate does not equates to being weak.

9. They are not boring but rather, well-considered. They will only speak up when necessary.

10. They are not snobbish or arrogant. They just have limited energy resources to interact with people.

11. Being highly sensitive or introverted is another kind of courage. They are dare to recognise their limitations, and is coming to terms of both your strengths and weaknesses.

12. They are not egocentric but merely focused on the self as it is important for them to look deeper on whether what they are doing is correct. Is this the right path to take?

13. They are interested in other people’s well-being but not necessarily in hearing about their deeds or listening to their stories.

14. They take things seriously.

To conclude, I feel that Ilse has touch on the topic on introverts and highly sensitive people really well. It provides us with more clarity of who they are and in some ways, I can resonate with what she had said in the book because I myself is an introvert as well.